3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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