Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
