if you like me you must not know who I am
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Randomize
