i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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