true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
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