Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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