I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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