if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
