he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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