i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize