JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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