Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
