I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
