I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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