I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
