My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
