Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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