I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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