I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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