When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
