I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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