he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
She tied me up with her honor cords...
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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