We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
