Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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