i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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