I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Randomize
