I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
