And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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