Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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