its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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