Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
