his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Little spoons don't ask big questions
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
