I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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