I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
