is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
