fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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