i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
