I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
You made out with two different species that night
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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