at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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