I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
