was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I look better un-naked...
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
