I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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