i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
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I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
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I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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