dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
