the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
