ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize
