Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
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