Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
