Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
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