I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
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