You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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