your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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