It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
