The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
