you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Randomize
