I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
