I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
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