I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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