I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
