sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
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