i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
