First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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