Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I'm bleeding and have questions
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
