i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I met the friendliest cop last night
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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