He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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