I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
