she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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