i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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