i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
My day in three words: secret purse cake
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
