I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
