Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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