Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
