also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
He's on the porch naked. Help.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
