Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
