I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
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Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
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If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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